Afro-abortion
When New Orleans mayor Ray Nagin lamented how a once-chocolate city had gone vanilla after being washed by the whitening winds of Hurricane Katrina, the pathos did not escape me. I was thinking how hard it would be to get those hundreds of thousands of African-Americans to voluntarily concentrate in one central location again.
But then I cheered up, as the anniversary of the 1973 Roe v. Wade decision - that liberated women from the tyranny of their biology - got me thinKKKing about the blessing that abortion has been to this country for the last 25 years. After all, what does it matter where the former residents of Nestle Orleans go, so long as they continue to exercise their emanative and penumbrad reproductive rights?
Consider that less than 30 years ago, a pregnant colored women was almost certain to inflict more dark chocolate upon an unwitting vanilla America. But thanks to the Supreme Court, progress has been indubitably made, as every day now, another 1,452 black babies are no longer permitted to grow up to become rappers, basketball players and welfare recipients.
Lemony Snicket notwithstanding, one cannot really consider this a bad beginning. Indeed, Dr. Kelly Hollowell estimates that were it not for the brave decision of these heroic Negresses to exercise their long-established and unrevisitable right to privacy, America would be inflicted with 14 million more black citizens than the country presently endures today. However, Americans cannot truly rest content until black women are collectively removing 3,030 non-human lumps of hyper-melaninized tissue from their bodies on a daily basis.
Only then can we be sure that the long, national nightmare of racial relations will finally come to an end.
The great challenge facing America now is that abortions are still expensive, and since so many black women are lazy and unemployable in addition to being fat and physically unattractive, they often do not have the money to pay for these operations, which are so vital to the progressive vision of utopian America. But we cannot permit mere dollars to stand in the way of progress!
Ironically, there is a source of wealthy black individuals whose personal financial interests lie very much in common with this vision. Every NBA player is well aware of the personal risks presented to him on a daily basis by the honeys, whose life's goal is to entrap an innocent young man whose only crime is to possess unusual height, athletic ability and financial upside, so it is in their interest that I propose an NBA-wide Gestational Tax Pool, from which funds will be directed to abortion clinics located in every city which possesses a Martin Luther King Boulevard within its limits.
This Gestational Tax Pool will thus spare young black men from having unwanted financial burdens imposed on them, while allowing young black women who might otherwise be robbed of choice to exercise the only constitutional right that is really important for them.
Some benighted folk might argue that not all black women should not enjoy Choice - some would even argue that black women should not be permitted this most sacred of women's rights - but this is obvious nonsense. It is illogical, as I will demonstrate:
- Human Rights are good.
- Abortion is a human right.
- Therefore, abortion is good.
Q.E.D.
It is clear, therefore, that those who wish American blacks well will not hesitate to contribute to the Gestational Tax Pool, in order to make sure that no black fetus goes unaborted.
And if you happen to encounter a pregnant black woman, do not hesitate to encourage her to exercise her fundamental woman's right to terminate her potential progeny. After all, Margaret Sanger's vision of America depends upon it!