Ashes of conservatism
C'era una volta... . This is the way that Italian fairy tales begin. There was a time... . It's a little less nebulous than the familiar "once upon a time" that usually begins the American equivalent, containing as it does within the statement the implicit reference to a genuine moment in history.
And there was a time when conservatives only dreamed of power, when the thought of a Republican White House, Senate and House of Representatives were little more unthinkable than the idea of a wooden boy coming to life or a sleeping princess dead to the world for a century being woken with a kiss. Nevertheless, the fairy tale came to pass, only to be revealed as bearing as little relation to the conservative vision as Tanith Lee's devilish spins on the Brothers Grimm do with the original versions.
In her brilliantly twisted "When the Clock Strikes", Lee writes of Ashella, who is the last descendant of a noble line usurped by the ruling duke. Like Cinderella, Ashella has lost her mother, who was a witch sworn to Satanas that committed suicide after swearing Ashella to Hell and vengeance. When her father eventually remarries, Ashella's step-mother and two step-sisters treat her kindly but the girl rejects their friendship in order to hide her dark purpose under a veil of seeming madness. And when the invitations to the ball arrive, Ashella waits until the others depart before summoning demons to prepare her for the dance. ...
"If it were only so simple," said Ashella, smiling, smiling. "But the debt is too cruel. Justice requires a harsher payment."
And then, in the ballroom, Death struck the first note on the golden bell.
The girl smiled and she said: "I curse you in my mother's name."
The second stroke. "I curse you in my own name."
The third stroke. "And in the name of those that your father slew."
The fourth stroke. "And in the name of my Master, who rules the world."
As the fifth, the sixth, the seventh strokes pealed out, the prince stood nonplussed. At the eighth and ninth strokes, the strength of the malediction seemed to curdle his blood. He shivered and his brain writhed. At the tenth stroke, he saw a change in the loveliness before him. She grew thinner, taller. At the eleventh stroke, he beheld a thing in a ragged black cowl and robe. It grinned at him. It was all grin below a triangle of sockets of nose and eyes. At the twelfth stroke, the prince saw Death and knew him.
This story came to mind when I was reading The Corner at the National Review website over the weekend. As disastrous as the last six years have been for American conservatives, with Three Monkey Republicans joining neoconservatives in shrieking for ever-larger government and ever more foreign entanglement, it seems that last year's self-inflicted electoral suicide was not enough for certain members of the conservative media.
For example, Mark Steyn, the Canadian who is the current darling of the conservatariat now that Ann Coulter has been banished for Excessive Conservativism, announced the following prior to his star turn at the NRI's Conservative Summit in Washington D.C.: "In the modern world, your civil service, judiciary, agriculture and treasury expertise need a capacity for global projection, too."
In other words, it's not enough that domestic spending has exploded, but Americans should be forking out the funds necessary to establish overseas offices for the Department of Justice, the Department of Agriculture and the U.S. Treasury. And instead of being tarred, feathered and shipped back to Canada for advocating this "Compassionate Crusaderism", Steyn was actually seconded by Kate O'Beirne and Newt Gingrich, who lament the fact that the Pentagon is "carrying virtually the entire burden" of the Iraqi occupation.
And this is what passes for leading conservative opinion? Surely this would never have happened if William F. Buckley were still alive!
Actually, the compassionate Canadian and company just might have a point. Sending herds of fat, bitter federal bureaucrats over to Iraq would not only get them out of our hair and our wallets, but they'd soon cause the warring Sunnis and Shiites to band together against an enemy even less palatable than each other. Come to think of it, Iraq could probably use more education and equality too, so perhaps we can unload the Ivy League professoriat and a few spare pods of feminists to accompany the compassionate crusade.
Sure, we'll probably have to reinforce the Air Force's C-130s, but with any luck, the endeavor will turn out like the People's Crusade of 1096.
Fairy tales don't always end well, but this one has gone beyond imagining. It's beginning to make Tanith Lee look like Walt Disney.